why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
