im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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