So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He has the fingertips of a God
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
