i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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