Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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