question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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