I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
