dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
