Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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