I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
