he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
