just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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