I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
