Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
