You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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