The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
