I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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