you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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