I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
