My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
