Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
