it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
