You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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