also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
