Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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