i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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