I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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