Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
