I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
