they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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