I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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