3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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