Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
