I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
