my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
