After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
