goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Even my vagina gasped.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
