My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
