I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
