Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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