You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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