I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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