please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
