I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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