Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
