so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
