new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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