I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
