yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
