Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
