Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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