i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
