Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
