pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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