It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
