we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
