Someone shit on the floor
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
